How to Come of Age in Style

This past week, my son Chaim celebrated his 13th Hebrew birthday and became a bar mitzvah. My wife and I reveled in the moment that was shared by family and close friends.

Literally, the term bar mitzvah means “son of a mitzvah (commandment)” and is intended to convey that a young Jewish man who has come of age is now obligated in the fulfillment of divine commandments as an adult male. (The same holds true for young Jewish women when they reach the age of twelve.)

But this milestone is so much more than a simple transition from childhood to adulthood (the Torah offers no such concept as adolescence). In fact, it represents three very important transitions in a young person’s life that can serve as a lesson for us all.

Become a Leader of Influence - Part III of An E.P.I.C. Solution to Undertstaffing

At the heart of great leadership is influence, as in the ability to influence others to do what needs to get done.

In a piece written for Forbes, Kevin Kruse defines leadership as “a process of social influence, which maximizes the efforts of others, towards the achievement of a goal.” I like his approach because it factors in some important primary leadership elements: (social) influence, others, effort optimization and goals.

Leadership is about influencing others, rather than demanding and coercing. It speaks to the ability to win people over to a new way of thinking and practice, though idea sharing, collaboration and role modeling.

While influence is important for every leader, it is especially critical when we’re understaffed and need to maximize every ounce of talent and time at our disposal.

A Long, Overdue Cleanup

We haven’t celebrated Pesach (Passover) at home in 4 Years

For the past 3 Passovers (and for 5 of the past 6), I have served as a scholar-in-residence at different hotel programs. As a result, our family did just a token amount of pre-holiday cleaning at our residence. We did the cars and basic surfaces, but by comparison to the amount of time spent shopping, packing and traveling, our cleaning time was but a pittance.

(For the uninitiated, the Torah demands that a home be leaven-free on Passover. This means that it must be cleaned from all items that contain leaven (foods derived from grains such as wheat and barley), a stringency that is far more involved than standard kosher requirements. The amount of effort needed to achieve this level of cleanliness is significant.)

This year, we decided that we were going to stay home for the holiday. With a son studying in Israel for the past seven months and an upcoming bar mitzvah, we felt that we would do well to enjoy the holiday together at home.

Small Things Matter

I admit it. It’s petty. But it still bothers me. Sometimes even a lot.

My personal name, Naphtali, is biblical. (Naphtali was one of Jacob’s twelve sons.) Because the name is of Hebrew origin, there are many ways to transliterate it. And the spelling that I adopted is a bit unconventional for many in the Orthodox Jewish community to which I belong. The result is that my name is constantly misspelled, on email correspondence, invitations, and even when I am being announced to media and an organization as a keynote speaker or guest lecturer. No matter how many indicators the other side has of the way that I spell my name (email, website, LinkedIn profile, etc.), it seems as if they have deliberately chosen to ignore it in favor of their more familiar spelling.

In most cases, I opt to remain silent. I know that no malice is intended and there is typically little impact, if any, due to the error. Inside, however, I churn a bit, not because of the spelling gaffe per se, but because of the obvious lack of care that the other individual demonstrated by making the mistake in the first place

Finding the Meaning in Our Work

As I researched this topic, I was struck by the extent by which all people, not just back office or less prominent professionals, identify meaning and purpose as central elements of their job satisfaction. We all seek affirmation and want to know that the work that we do makes a difference. Mary Kay Ash once said, “Everyone has an invisible sign hanging from their neck saying, 'Make me feel important.' Never forget this message when working with people.”

Money alone is not what motivates us. In fact, while meaningful pay is certainly a key element in selecting and remaining in a job, compensation is usually not at the top of what motivates us to come to work every day. Purpose, more than any quality, is what we value most.

Connection: The Anti-Silo

It’s a central part of far too many organizations. Bickering. The lack of healthy communication. Folks sitting quietly at their desks, hoping to stay under the radar and not be burdened with more work, let alone someone else’s work. People prioritizing their wants and needs over those of the team, or those of their own team over the organization as a whole.

Territorialism. Silos.

Silo mentalities and the turf wars that they enable devastate organizations by wasting resources, killing productivity, and threatening goal achievement.

From Resolution to Achievement: 8 Tips for Making Your New Year’s Commitments Stick

Yesterday was New Years and, if you are like most people, you took some time to reflect on the outgoing year and set some resolutions for the year ahead. Maybe you decided to make a lifestyle change, such as eating healthier and exercising more. Perhaps you determined that it was time for more work-life balance or to travel more often. You may have set some business-related goals, such as making more sales calls or taking other action steps that will improve your bottom line.

These, or any other constructive goals, are the first step in living a better, more fulfilled life.

But we know that for so many, New Year’s resolutions are more commonly associated with failed aspirations and wishful thinking than with real, sustained change. We promise ourselves that we will think and do differently, but often quickly lapse into the same bad habits that promoted us to make said resolutions in the first place.

Are You Taking a Workplace Lonely?

For millions of people worldwide, the act of taking selfies has become an integral part of the social media experience. Selfies are internationally pervasive and evoke strong reactions from those that encounter them.

In a hysterical clip about selfies, comedian Sebastian Maniscalco hits hard on selfie takers. In his words, the act of taking a selfie should be called “taking a lonely.” “Do you know how alone you have to be,” he asks, “to take a picture of yourself?”

As funny as Maniscalco’s rant is, there is a deep element of scientific truth in it. For many, selfie taking is, in fact, the product of being alone. Lead researcher Dr Peerayuth Charoensukmongkol, of the National Institute of Development Administration (NIDA), Bangkok, said: ‘Not only do individuals who become obsessed with taking selfies tend to feel that their personal lives and psychological well-being are damaged, but they may feel that relationship qualities with others are also impaired.

NIDA researchers also found that a vast majority of those studied spent more than 50 per cent of their spare time on either their mobile phone or scouring the internet. Moreover, experts believe that both men and women who have lonely personalities tend to take more selfies for approval from other people.

leadership, business, coaching, relationshipsNaphtali HoffDecember 18, 2017Impactful Coaching & Consultingloneliness, sociability, leadershipComment

What’s Your One Sentence?

In his bestselling book Drive (pp. 154-155), author Dank Pink references a conversation between Congresswoman Claire Boothe Luce and President John F. Kennedy. Sensing that the president had too many competing agendas, she sought to focus him by asking him to think about his “one sentence”.

Each great person, she said, has a single sentence that describes him/her. For Abrhama Lincoln, she said, it was “He preserved the union and freed the slaves”. In the case of FDR, a fitting single sentence would be, “He lifted us up from the Great Depression and helped us win a world war”. Because of his competing agendas, Luce felt that Kennedy’s one sentence would instead become an overly muddled paragraph.

We all can have single sentences that describe us, even if our contributions are not as deep and lasting as the aforementioned presidents. Whether they say something about us as individuals, as leaders or as community contributors, having the ability to construct a single sentence that captures our essence can serve as a great guidepost and motivator.

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