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Recently, I participated in a Passover hotel retreat with my family in the Catskill Mountain region of New York State. The program organizers worked hard to keep everyone – old and young alike – busy throughout the week with entertainment and activities that offered fun and recreation. One such activity was a game room, which was set up in the hotel’s expansive lobby.

My eleven year old son asked me to play some of the games with him. One game in particular, a basketball game, had two small hoops within a close distance of each other and a collection of rubber kid-sized basketballs. The objective was to score as many baskets as possible within a 30 second timeframe. I did pretty well all things considered (I hadn’t shot for a while, just sayin’,) but after each round ended I looked up to see that my son had beaten me yet again.

I am pretty confident that had I played him on a regular basketball court with a standard-sized ball he would have stood little chance of achieving even a single victory. Not that I am so great, mind you, but my size advantage and experience would have carried me to victory. However, once the playing field changed, with different equipment, a playing field of different proportions, and no defense, all of my competitive advantages fell by the wayside.

As I considered my neutralized position in this indoor game of hoops I began to reflect upon other situations where people seem to hold advantages, not because they are intrinsically better or more talented, but because of some other factors or considerations.

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Every person and organization should have a "why statement". Here's mine. Thoughts? What's yours?

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Today was just one of those days.

I sat down at my computer bright and early knowing that I had a website security issue to resolve, but with no background on how to achieve it.

My chat with customer support was not helpful (he directed me to my IT guy, which is ME!). I waited until their customer service rep hours began, so that I could have an actual conversation (remember those?) only to discover that I was now talking with someone half way across the world with limited English skills. Subsequent efforts to reach a native English-speaking rep were frustrated by long wait times and continued pushes into the company voice mailbox.

In the meantime, I started to experience internet connectivity issues, which was compounded by slow computer responsiveness.

This was a real bummer, as I was spending far too much time updating my book website's 46 In 46 campaign. 

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I recently had a conversation with a financial executive who we’ll call Dan. At one point the conversation shifted to personal matters, such as where he lives and details about his family. Dan told me that he lives in Central Long Island (NY) and is the proud father of four children. I asked Dan if he had a boat and he responded that he once did and that the kids used to love going out on it. But the two best days of boat ownership for Dan were the bookends, the first day that he got it and the day when he got rid of it. The time in between was full of more anguish, between lack of function and reliability, as well as maintenance and care, than he ever would have signed up for.

I asked Dan what happened to the boat during Hurricane Sandy. A big smile spread across his face as he thought back to that event from 5 years ago, not because of the general impact, but due to its specific effect on his boat. Dan was really hoping that Sandy would put him out of his marine misery but carving the boat into countless pieces. This would have gotten him an insurance check without having to go through the trouble of selling his erstwhile vessel. But when Dan went out to inspect his boat at the docking harbor after the storm had passed, he found that while all of the other nearby boats were in ruins, his was ironically untouched, as if God was playing (not so) funny games with him. And so he was forced to stay in this unwanted relationship a little bit longer, until he finally moved forward with a sale.

As I pondered Dan’s maritime tale, I thought about just how many of us do the same thing all the time. We encounter a problem, whether it’s a foul relationship (with a boss, coworker, spouse, etc.), a product (car, boat, home, etc.) that we regret purchasing, a program that we wished we had never signed up for, or some other issue in our lives, and hope that somehow we will be miraculously saved without having to put in any effort of our own.

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One of the best insights that I have heard about complaining was shared by Jack Canfield, author of the “Chicken Soup for the Soul” series. Canfield said that all complainers have to have “a reference point of something that they want that they are not willing to risk creating.”

An analysis of this definition reveals two key elements. The first is the idea that we complain when we have reference points that we think we want more than what we have. An example of this would be your car. When there exists a nicer, better, faster, etc. car than the one that you drive (which there does), any problem or deficit with your vehicle (real or imagined) may lead someone to complain about the one that he has. In contrast, something that is rare (such as a tattered keepsake from an event or icon), will not cause us to complain even if it is in far from perfect condition.

Another example of this idea would be a spouse or child. When that person fails to live up to our expectations, whatever they might be, it is likely that we will complain or at the least harbor some form of resentment. But, if our spouse were to happen to be the only person of the opposite gender in the world, or if our children were the only ones available, then our perspective would change immediately.

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In today’s fast-changing marketplace, it can be difficult to achieve mastery in even one professional field. To taste success in multiple areas is quite the challenge, especially when that includes industries – such as real estate, land development and high-tech – that have witnessed such a remarkable range of highs and lows in the pre-recession, recession and post-recession periods that have marked the past dozen years.

Recently, I had the opportunity to sit down with such as individual who has. Dustin Bogue serves as President and Chief Executive Officer of San Jose-based publicly traded homebuilder and land developer UCP, Inc. (NYSE: UCP). In addition to his extensive experience and success in the area of land acquisition and development, Bogue’s professional experience also includes creating two technology start-ups, despite having received no formal training in that area.

While these accomplishments are impressive, it was the timing of Bogue’s ascent that makes his achievements all the more remarkable.

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Within in a few months my dream will come true. I will have published my first book. This book is the product of three plus years of effort, including settling on a topic (becoming the new boss, a book for new leaders to experience sustained success), identifying a target audience (new leaders, primarily on the front-end of their leadership journey), doing lots and lots of writing, testing my content online through regular leadership posts, finding an editor and publisher, and working through the complex publishing process (even the cover design can be a big, time-consuming and emotionally charged deal).  

Without question, this is an exhilarating feeling. Not only am I proud of what I have achieved, but I am super excited to know that very soon I will be able to share my ideas and experiences with so many others.

I often reflect on how I got here and how difficult it may have been had I tried to achieve this goal as a full time head of school (my previous position). Leaving aside the fact that my experiences in that position provided much of the fodder for my text (something that I likely could not have shared freely while under contract), I think that the rigors of full time employment would have made such an undertaking daunting, to say the least. Without having real control over my time and with the many demands of school leadership, how could I have possibly seen this process through? The likely answer is that I wouldn’t have. And I suspect that many leaders with great content, ideas, anecdotes, experiences and achievements feel similarly.

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Today’s weather up in the northeast (US) was far from ideal, at least if you were hoping to go in to work. After three rounds of shoveling, there’s still no end in sight to the white invasion that has made travel and general life activity a challenge. But the good news is that the time outside has given me opportunity to reflect and ponder how snow-related lessons can have a positive impact on us today and well into the (hopefully warmer) future. These are some of the ideas that came to mind:

1. Be prepared – Nothing spells doom for a day like today than the absence of proper preparation. Knowing that a storm was looming, I made my way out to the shed yesterday to get the snow blower, shovels, etc. We also stocked up on food staples and other necessities. In life we also need to be prepared for what’s to come. Sometimes these challenges are in the “forecast”. Sometimes they arrive will more suddenness. Either way, the better prepared we are, the likelier that we can take life’s challenges in stride.
2. Plan for the worst but expect the best – One never really knows what weather you’re going to get, which is why the weathermen like to cover themselves with a wide range (say, 12”-24”, for example). While we need to prepare for the worst, we should always expect the best, and plan to maximize our days rather than succumbing to the “what can I possibly get done on such a day?” mindset.

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One of the most widely watched TED talks on education was delivered by Rita Pierson. In a moving talk entitled, “Every Kid Needs a Champion”, Pierson, a second-generation educator, emphasized the importance of building relationships with students. She details her experience working with some of the hardest challenges in the system: kids who haven’t tasted academic success and often lack strong adult relationships that can provide guidance and inspiration and also strengthen resolve. Her successes, she says, were to a large degree the result of believing in her charges and giving them a vision of a better tomorrow.

Ironically, having a champion can have its downsides for kids as well. In a recent parenting post by Kathy Caprino, the author cites leadership expert Dr. Tim Elmore, who shared a list of ways in which parents today are failing their children by coddling and crippling them. Such behavior, says Elmore, prevents children from becoming the strong, independent leaders and balanced adults that they are destined to be. According to Elmore, current parental failures include:

1. Not letting our children experience risk – We live in a dangerous world that is full of risk. But instead of allowing our kids to get out there, we seek to provide a strong layer of protection. For kids to succeed, they need to fall a few times to learn it’s normal. Parents who remove risk from their children’s lives will promote low self-esteem and greater insularity in our children.
2. Rescuing kids too quickly – Today’s adults have a propensity to swoop in and take care of problems for them. When we rescue too quickly and over-indulge our children with “assistance,” we remove the need for them to navigate hardships and solve problems on their own.

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