A Coach Approach to Teshuva

We need to realize that error and sin are as central to the human condition as any other quality. We all make mistakes and will do so every day of our lives. We must be willing to accept them and have the self-confidence and integrity to admit it when we do. Our ability and willingness to do this, perhaps more than anything else, will allow us to take control of our repentance process and our lives in general.

Once we have come to terms with our sinful conduct, we typically begin to feel charata (regret). Whether the victim of our deeds is another person or Hashem (or both), we need to be able to express our regret clearly and without condition. To do that, consider following these steps:

Apologize sincerely – Saying “I am sorry” must communicate genuine regret for your behavior and a wish that you had acted differently.
Take complete ownership – Avoid shifting the blame (“I apologize that you misunderstood me,” “I am sorry that you felt that way,” etc.). Doing so greatly diminishes the apologizer’s effectiveness. Stating that the other person was partly responsible for what occurred or for his hurt feelings places the listener on the defensive, and causes them to consider you to be disingenuous and perhaps even accusatory. And that is no way to apologize.
Avoid excuses – State your error directly, without justification. To the listener’s ear, excuses not only feel like an attempt to validate the wrongdoing, they may even sound like an attack, as if the plaintiff was inconsiderate to hold him accountable in the first place.
State how you intend to fix things – Articulating your intent to correct matters, including restitution (pei’raon) where needed, will do wonders to convince the listener of your sincerity. It should be simple, realistic and detailed.
Follow through – Few things damage a relationship more than when a person sets expectations for change and then does not follow through. In many ways, it is worse than not having apologized in the first place. When we do not act as promised, others question our will and our trustworthiness.

Naphtali HoffSeptember 17, 2015Comment

Foster a growth mindset

A fixed mindset refers to the belief that skill and capacity are fundamentally attached to a person’s genetic composition. Either you “have it” and are good at it, or you’re not. This applies to everything from academics (“I’m not much of a math guy”) to business and social situations (“I don’t know marketing,”) as well as music, athletics, and more.

Those with growth mindsets, on the other hand, tend to believe that skills can be learned, at least to some degree of proficiency. They maintain and that success depends mainly on one’s willingness to learn, practice and pursue their goals. These men and women are not content to rest on their laurels. They continuously strive to learn new things and to develop new capabilities. They do so in part because of a great drive to succeed. But they also possess a deep sense that they can stretch their inborn talents if they are willing to make the effort.

leadership, coaching, relationshipsNaphtali HoffSeptember 8, 2015leaders, leadership, growth, mindset, learning, teaching, inspirationComment

Own Your Board

It goes without saying that the chief executive must make board relations a top priority. While board function and impact range significantly between companies and organizations, it is the board’s responsibility, at the minimum, to evaluate you and your work in advancing the organization. (They are also typically tasked with fiduciary oversight and maintenance of the mission.) As with any evaluative process, you want to position yourself on the right side of things, interpersonally and in terms of establishing an agreed-to and properly supported agenda.

leadership, coachingNaphtali HoffAugust 20, 2015leaders, leadership, board development, board of directors, relationshipsComment

A values-based approach to student discipline

PBIS focuses on the identification of overarching values, such as respect, responsibility and the like, and frames all behavioral expectations through those values. It also seeks to apply the values to each context and setting in a student’s day, such as the classroom, the lunchroom, the restroom, the playground, etc.

Naphtali HoffAugust 11, 2015Comment

Build a team of workplace teachers

Learning alone is not enough. Leaders that want to stay ahead must make sure that their companies also place a premium on teaching. To be a learner is to engage in a one-way (receiving) process of understanding followed by action. The learning originates from an outside source: consultant, seminar presentation, book, etc. Even if the organization chooses to integrate the learning, it never really owns it.

In contrast, teaching organizations go one meaningful step further. They emphasize teaching over learning, placing the learning onus on internal personnel who are expected to learn and master ideas that they will then pass along to others in the workplace.

Naphtali HoffAugust 4, 2015 Comment

A Childhood Crisis of Technological Proportions

The fact that we have developed this tablet dependency, however real, does trouble me. Technology offers many wonderful benefits, no doubt. But research is replete with data that continues to underscore the damaging effects of technology on relationship building, attention spans, and our ability to think and play creatively.

Naphtali HoffJuly 31, 2015Comment

6 R's of Summer School

While school administrators are typically not “off” from school to the same extent as teachers (there is still plenty of planning, ordering, interviewing and the like that occurs over the summer months,) the relaxed days of June, July and August present school leaders with a special opportunity that is unique to this time of year. I like to think of them as a principal’s own set of summertime “R’s.”

Naphtali HoffJuly 30, 2015Comment

Feeling the Pain - 9 Av

The walk between my Jerusalem apartment and yeshiva, a walk that I took multiple times a day, included a series of steps. Little of consequence ever happened to me on those steps, or anywhere else on the path for that matter.

But this night was different, at least it would be. It was the night of Tisha B’Av (9 Av,) and I, like hundreds of others, had gone to hear the mournful recitation of Eicha (Lamentations) on the yeshiva’s hallowed floors, just a stone’s throw from where the harrowing scenes of annihilation and destruction had occurred on two separate occasions (first during the Babylonian period and then at the hands of Titus and the Romans.) Together with everyone else in the yeshiva, I had recited the first set of kinnos (dirges, elegies), and tried my best to understand their powerful message. But, as I had in years past, I failed to make a deeper connection, one that evoked any form of emotive response. Despite four years of study in Israel and three Tisha B’Av experiences in the Holy Land, I remained sufficiently disconnected from the day’s tragic, somber history as to not shed even a single tear.

spiritualityNaphtali HoffJuly 24, 2015Israel, Mourning, EmotionalComment

Deepening the Workplace Bond

One way for leaders to develop a strong bond with their people is to roll up their sleeves and get to work. Not just their own work, but the work of their direct reports, as well as their reports’ reports. Take time to sit in various offices and seats within the organization and seek to develop new skills and make connections on different levels. Ask about existing challenges within the company and develop empathy for those who are tasked to address them regularly. Brainstorm with staff about how best to address these issues to optimize performance. By bringing yourself down to your people, you will gain their admiration as someone who really seeks to know their situations and improve them.

Another, more sustainable approach to bonding with employees is to actively connect with them on a regular basis. Hewlett Packard (HP) founders William Hewlett and David Packard used a strategy that has become known as MBWA, or Management By Wandering Around. As its name implies, MBWA requires regular walking throughout the workplace. It offers many benefits to leaders and their employees

Naphtali HoffJuly 22, 2015leadership, teamwork, workplace Comments

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