‘Cognitive dissonance’ is a term coined by psychologist Leon Festinger back in 1957 in his book A Theory of Cognitive Dissonance. It refers to the discomfort that a person feels when there is misalignment between their behavior and their values or beliefs. It can also occur when a person holds two contradictory beliefs at the same time. In contrast, cognitive consonance exists when ideas logically flow from one another and are consistent.

For example, a person who considers himself orderly and cleans up after himself even when it’s not easy or convenient is in consonance with his beliefs. But if the same person leaves things around, his behavior is in dissonance with his self-identity.

How to Make You New Year's Resolutions Stick This Time

It’s that time of year again.

When we look at ourselves in the mirror and start berating ourselves.

“Why can’t you ever keep a resolution even for a single week?”

If you’re one of those, the good news - if you can call it that - is that you’re not alone.

How long do most people’s New Year's resolutions last?

Feeling stressed? Ask yourself this question.

A lot of the stress we experience is generated by the fear of the unknown. What I often do to control my own stress levels is I ask myself, "what's the worst that could happen?"

That's the cliff. ⛰️ I then start walking myself back from the cliff and reframing things.

Take the long, short road

Saturday night, I took the 'long' route home from post-Sabbath services

It's about 2 minutes longer than if I had used the shortcut

But because of heavy rain that fell just minutes before, the shortcut was muddy and treacherous

So, I decided to take the 'long" way home to save myself the possibility of slipping and soiling myself, which would have made the 'short' way 'long' (I hope you're following me on this)

Which, come to think of it, I've been doing for most of my life

I choose to see how I've succeeded, not how I've failed

Recently, a dental crown came loose.

It filled a gap from a tooth that I lost years ago due to neglect.

Root canal and all.

Back in the day, I would brush less frequently, drink soda, and view dental visits as things to avoid.

The result was that I lost a couple of teeth and had some others that needed much help to save.

Since then, my personal dental care has improved significantly.

And, thank God, I haven't even had a cavity in quite some time.

So, when it became clear that I needed to replace the crown (and went through the process of fitting for a new one,) it brought me back to that time when it seemed like I was in for a rude awakening every time I visited the dentist.

If you want to fix your results, fix your mind!

We went to work on the "gremlin" and started the process of flipping the script.

“𝙄 𝙢𝙖𝙮 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙛𝙖𝙞𝙡𝙚𝙙 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙄 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙖𝙡𝙨𝙤 𝙨𝙪𝙘𝙘𝙚𝙚𝙙𝙚𝙙 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙨𝙪𝙘𝙘𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙖𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙪𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙚.”

“𝙔𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙚𝙨 𝙢𝙚 𝙣𝙤 𝙥𝙪𝙧𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙚.”

“𝙄𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙖𝙣 𝙤𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙢𝙮 𝙛𝙖𝙞𝙡𝙪𝙧𝙚, 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙞𝙩 𝙖𝙨 𝙖 𝙛𝙖𝙘𝙩. 𝘿𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙗𝙖𝙨𝙚 𝙞𝙩 𝙤𝙣 𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣.”

From there, we moved into the core objective of the session.

Your behavior won't change until the way you see yourself does

In his book Atomic Habits, author James Clear explains why habits are so difficult to break.

It's because we tend to focus on surface-level actions.

Most people start by focusing on outcome-based goals like...

“I want to lose 20 pounds.”
“I want to write a best-selling book.”

But these are surface level changes.

Replace "No" with "Not Yet"

I was eleven years old, and I was thoroughly embarrassed.

A week earlier, one of the counselors had asked me if I would share a Torah thought at an upcoming Shabbos (Sabbath) camp meal in front of hundreds of others.

I was a pretty confident kid, so I agreed.

And then I spent many minutes preparing.

When the time arrived, I stood up on the bench and started speaking.

Towards the end, my mind froze and I couldn't remember the next part.

Somehow, I got through it, but I crumbled inside from embarrassment.

Which resulted in me burying myself underneath the table afterwards in shame.

To Get More Done, Plan the Night Before

From the moment we wake up each day, we’re faced with a continuous flow of choices. Many are minor and some are major. Even things that don’t seem so important, like what to take along for lunch or which task to complete first, can become bigger deals when we start to consider how aligned they are (or aren’t) with our goals and strategic priorities.

When we’re confronted with too many options, we tend to feel overwhelmed, anxious, stressed or otherwise out of sorts. This is known as decision fatigue, a state of mental overload that can impede our ability to make additional decisions. When our minds are fatigued, we tend to make worse decisions and exercise less self-control.

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